What is a family (for)?

• what are its members, roles, functions?
• differences in environment, cultural background, religion
• early relationships with parents create the blue-print inside child's mind that is applied to all others

What is the role of a parent/ mother/ father?

physical care, emotional and spiritual nurturing, guidance, teaching

Vital functions of a parent are to help their child to:

• use his mind for thinking, imagination and symbolising
• regulate him/ herself + manage his/her ‘bad’, painful, scary (anger, frustration, loss, sadness) and overwhelming feelings of excitement and 'too much'-ness
• generate love
• uphold hope: for development in the future, and not to succumb to depression

Parents: Regulators or Dysregulators?

• Is the parent a regulator or dysregulator? or Do you feel better or worse when with mum/ dad? (mutually dysregulating hyperarousal)
• Emotional regulation: amplification of positive affect/ feelings and moderation of negative affect/ feelings
• Every interaction forms new neuronal pathways in the brain (interactive regulation).
• Auto-regulation will always fail, because it produces insecure attachment and can lead to total cutting off, withdrawal and autism

What do children need?

Interactive Regulation:

• ‘Listen to what your child is telling you and say it back to them in words.’
  (in their behaviour and about how they are feeling/ thinking)
• If only 1 ‘Praise’ per 6 ‘Negatives’ Þ psychological damage (Sue Jenner)
  ‘Praises’: ‘attends’, asking to play, gentle touching, praising, smiling, imitation, ignoring naughtiness, tracking child’s attention
  ‘Negatives’: commands, teaching, criticism, ‘no!’, negative touch/ face, double-speak

How do you help your child to manage/ regulate his/her bad feelings?

• What helps you when you are feeling bad?
• How can you help your child to moderate his/her bad feelings

Email: mentor@reachingtheautisticchild.org.uk